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May 22

you do what a person like you does

you do what a person like you does. when i thought i was a bad person, i see no point in doing good things. when i quit things that make me feel like i was a bad person, i become a good person. and when i am a good person, the only natural thing to do is to do what a good person does—to do good things. i wash my hands when i come back home. also the dishes if there are. i brush my teeth. i took out my face scrub from the cupboard and throw away the empty one.

Personal Development

1 min read

Personal Development

1 min read


May 22

to quit to start

“There is no better or worse choice. there are only different choices, “In the face of fight-or-flight-ish stress, even overcoming distress can be as beneficial as overcoming eustress, no matter how psychologists try to put it. “At the very best, it’s simply a case of which choice you probably like…

Life

1 min read

Life

1 min read


May 16

what do we ought to be?

we don’t find resolutions to resolve conflicts. we create conflicts, to get resolutions. we write suicide notes not to commit it, but to squash our last drip of hope that someone will stop us—or regret that they didn’t. we spit onto our own faces bad words about ourselves—so we can turn on the contrast and see the good words. we can’t stand boredom. we can’t stand nothingness. what makes of us, if not the drama and all the sufferings (and triumph that come afterwards)?

Contemplation

1 min read

Contemplation

1 min read


May 16

if i were to write a suicide note

what makes me lonely the most isn’t not having someone to talk to. it’s… not being that 'someone to talk to' to anyone. am i the only one having problems that it feels like i’m the only one telling it to others and not them to me? am i just…

Suicide

2 min read

Suicide

2 min read


May 13

socks, rays, and oat milk

I like socks, ones with colourful, bright patterns. I like socks because they’re like this tiny space you can express your colourful, bright life… while allowing yourself to keep it private and tucked beneath at times. I also like warm sun rays penetrating the dorm lobby… gently caressing the soft…

1 min read

1 min read


Apr 11

organisational work: what to do when things go wrong, comments on formal teaching, and how to just feel a tad bit better about it all

a rambly commentary by a burnt out observer — #1: essences and roles we forgot here’s the thing: kerjaan tu mager dikerjain kalo kt lupa esensinya apa; dan sebagus2nya dorongan eksternal kl motivasi internalnya — which is mainly derived dari mengingat esensinya apa— ga mencapai baseline, it just won’t work. “knp pada susah hapal rop—rencana operasi?” pdhl ud dibriefing, disuru catet slot masing2 rangkum, disuru…

Organizational Culture

4 min read

Organizational Culture

4 min read


Apr 8

Congenital Heart Disease in Indonesia and Hasan Sadikin Hospital: Current State of Affairs

Of every one hundred infants born each year, one suffers from a congenital heart defect (CHD). In Indonesia right now, about 50,000 infants are suffering from CHD. One-fourth of them are critical: have it treated within the first year (or even the first month in many cases) of life, or…

Congenital Heart Disease

4 min read

Congenital Heart Disease

4 min read


Mar 27

not very gleamsy, but vibrant

I love riding the bus. It’s … romantic. Spiritually aesthetic. Weather plays a very important role, though—the vibrant rays penetrating the gleamsy window, it’s something else. It’s not as vibrant today. More like gloomy than gleamsy. But the automated announcer recording is a glimmer of hope. Cheerful, calmingly cheerful. …

Travel

1 min read

Travel

1 min read


Mar 26

it stings, but i’m coming back

It’s been a while since I publicly share my writings and contents; my YouTube channel, Twitter account, is long ago gone. It was one impulsive decision—but it felt like one of the strongest gut feeling I’ve ever had in my life. Now that had I taken my break and sort…

Writing

2 min read

Writing

2 min read


Mar 26

into a more multidimensional expertise

I was concerned by this realization bahwa whenever I come up with ide gagasan, I notice how little it often has to do with the hard, basic or even clinical science I learned in tutorials … and it often left me questioning if I’m doing it right. But maybe I…

Bahasa Indonesia

2 min read

Bahasa Indonesia

2 min read

aan

aan

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